This week, Apple released the designs for three new mobiles: the iPhone 11, iPhone 11 Pro and iPhone 11 Pro Max. Promising improved power, better battery, charging and enhanced camera with three lenses on the pro models, the iPhone is effectively Malibu Stacey With A New Hat – but it’s all good; those who are loyal to the brand, afraid of the alternatives and hooked into contracts will inevitably get on board.

That is, everyone who doesn’t suffer from trypophobia – the fear of tiny holes that is typically triggered by crumpets. With three powerful lenses on the rear of its latest premium handset, Apple hoped this alone would entice users to upgrade. Since they unveiled the design, however, people have been furiously tweeting to share just how unsettling they find the new device – in particular, the tightly packed lenses in the top left-hand corner of the model.

Talking of poor design, anyone closeted owner of Crocs who feels too much shame to wear their foam shoes outside of the house will be pleased to know that Kanye is fighting their corner and trying his damn hardest to make Crocs “a thing”.

The new Yeezy Foam Runners look like your standard “Ugly Dad” Yeezy’s had an illegitimate child with a pair of Crocs, and as comfortable as they must be, it begs the question as to whether Kanye West is, at this point, just deliberately championing hideous design in some kind of bet with his buddies who have said “I bet you can’t make Crocs cool.”

Perhaps no one man should have all that power.

Meanwhile, climate activists from Extinction Rebellion have dyed Zürich’s main river luminous green to call attention to global warming and highlight the numerous ways that climate change threatens our water. They say the green dye was not toxic – thankfully, and on their Facebook account, Extinction Rebellion urged readers to see the stunt as a wake-up call:

“Our water is in danger! It is time we wake up to the truth: global heating kills, and we have to stop it now,” they said in their post.

In UK politics, shit well and truly hit the fan.

Since Parliament was shut-down a bid by the Prime Minister to prevent MPs from debating Brexit, Scotland’s highest civil court has ruled Boris Johnson’s proroguing of parliament to be unlawful: not only did he lie to the British people, the Court ruled, he also mislead the Queen of England herself.

If that wasn’t bad enough, official government documents were leaked detailing the impact of a no deal Brexit on the country’s food, water and medicine supply. Whether they voted to leave or remain, it’s clear no British citizen voted for a shortage of clean drinking water. Nevertheless, the pro-Brexit press are cheering and lauding the PM as a hero for his drive to push forward with the EU exit, even if it means leaving without a deal.

It’s as if the UK looked to America like a younger sibling would and said, “I want what they’ve got,” in reference to the fascist, racist, sexist ruler of their country.

But the week got all the weirder with the announcement that KFC had created a new anime dating simulator game titled ‘I Love You Colonel Sanders’. No, this is not a joke and yes, it’s okay to be excited. Players will be able to engage in romantic conversations with a young and sexy Colonel Sanders as well as partake in cooking battles and “battle battles”, according to the trailer.

However, the gameplay for neither of these shows up in the trailer nor the photos. If, upon watching the trailer, you feel oddly aroused at Colonel Sanders, you aren’t the only one. People are genuinely thirsty for the anime chicken mascot and anxiously awaiting the game’s release.

Catch up with us next week for another flash briefing on the weird sh*t that’s gone down in the week.